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Herschel Walker Categorically Refutes Claims That He Ever Played Football!

(Analysis by Borowitz) Herschel Walker has flatly denied ever played football and claims he is the target of a campaign of “outrageous lies.”

The United States Senate hopeful used his rally speech in Atlanta to strike out at his political opponents, whom he claimed were trying to associate him with the National Football League.

He categorically denied ever having played football and threatened legal action against anyone who made such a claim. “I’ve never seen something like this before.”

Senator Ted Cruz was a vocal proponent of Walker’s denial, telling reporters, “If Herschel Walker swears that he never played football, we have to take him at his word.” The same group of trolls who claimed that Donald Trump stole government materials while I was on vacation in Cancun is now spreading slander about him.

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Walker has been asked to see a doctor due to his increasingly bizarre utterances, but he has refused. If I want to see Dr. Oz, I don’t need to see a doctor,” he remarked.

Who Will Herschel Walker Debate? Georgia Senate Race Builds Anticipation!

The highly anticipated debate showdown between the Democratic and Republican candidates vying for the opportunity to represent Georgia in the United States Senate has been reaching a fever pitch amidst what seems like a nonstop series of bombshell reports that tip the scales of the political contest.

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The candidates are vying for the opportunity to represent Georgia in the United States Senate.

Chris Pratt as Mario, Herschel Walker, and Ye Are Mocked by ‘SNL’ in an Effort to Provoke Outrage

These days, everyone is a little too close to losing it. At least that is the contention of the “Saturday Night Live” writers.

The “Banshees of Inisherin” star Brendan Gleeson hosted the sketch comedy show on Saturday. The episode began with a parody game show called “So You Think You Won’t Snap,” where contestants read recent news reports in an effort to make them hit a flight attendant, iron their faces, or lose their sobriety.

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The host of the fictitious game show, a smarmy Bowen Yang, tackled the biggest stories of the week, including allegations that Republican Senate candidate Herschel Walker paid for an abortion and Chris Pratt’s controversial performance as Mario in the new “Super Mario Bros. Movie” trailer.

After watching a video of President Joe Biden discussing his mental acuity, Heidi Gardner’s character downed a “‘Today Show’-size glass” of white wine; Chloe Fineman’s character punched a flight attendant after hearing Pratt’s non-Italian voice as Mario; Kenan Thompson’s character lost his cool at the mere mention of Elon Musk.

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When Devon Walker, a new cast member, heard current information about Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, she broke down.

Yang tried to provoke Walker by saying, “This week Kanye West called Lizzo followers ‘demonic.'” She also brought up Ye’s intentions to start a private school and his assertion that he hasn’t ever read a book.

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Before appearing to switch topics once more, Yang stated, “Let’s switch gears to Tucker Carlson.” “You are correct. Let’s move on to the world of fashion, he continued, displaying a picture of West and Candace Owens wearing “White Lives Matter” shirts.

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