The ‘real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Reunion Trailer Made Us Gasp Each Time!

The All-Time Greatest Television Show

This season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has given me a million ideas. But none of that matters now since everything I despised and was annoyed by this season has contributed to the best three minutes of material I’ve seen this year: the reunion trailer.

In honor of this masterpiece, here are all of the times I gasped while watching the RHOBH reunion trailer.

When the clock reads 9:47 p.m. (“They missed happy hour,” exclaim)

When Kyle expresses a desire to leave before the toast. (“Gasp! Turning down a free drink?”)

When Andy asks “Doug” if Kyle is free to leave. (“Who is Doug, and is he single?” exclaimed the audience.)

They show Lisa Rinna for the first time. (“They hired a Khloé Kardashian impersonator,” exclaims the audience.)

Kathy Hilton brings up Lisa Vanderpump. (“Ghost of Christmas Past” exclamation)

Erika claims Dorit’s husband once asked her whether she was a pornstar. “They finally rendered Dorit speechless,” gasps the audience.

When Sutton’s cat sweater is mentioned. (“It’s called fashion,” exclaims one.)

When Rinna says, “Pause me!” (“But actually do it,” exclaims one)

Diana Jenkins, the Worst Housewife of All-Time, is featured for half a second. (“I lick my lips and gasp”)

When Erika claims she’ll get her $1.3 million earrings back, Garcelle rolls her eyes. (“Erika is truly a monster,” exclaims one.)

Crystal’s expression after Kyle corrects her on the use of the word “violated.” (“Merriam Webster” exclaims)

Dorit discovers that horses are used to create glue. (“The more you know,” exclaimed one.)

When Kathy thinks Rinna is making a big deal about her meltdown since her contract is coming to an end. (“But now that we’ve said it,” gasp)

When Kathy thinks Rinna is “the biggest bully in Hollywood, and everyone knows it,” she means it. (“Kathy got a debate coach!” exclaims the audience.)

What Can I Say About Bros…

I’ve spent the previous week discussing Bros. The romantic comedy—the first major studio theatrical release starring openly homosexual men—underperformed at the box office to an extent that belied its favorable reviews, word of mouth, tracking, and historic significance. Then then, it could have made sense. I mean, who wants to watch gays in movies unless they’re dying or played by straight people?

I’ve discussed every aspect of it with my colleagues, with individuals on Twitter, with my friends, with my barber… I’m still perplexed as to why the film didn’t get the box office response it deserved.

Was it because Billy Eichner isn’t a well-known enough celebrity? (Yes, but no… Eichner is no less of a star than Kumail Nanjiani, Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jason Segel, or Amy Schumer when Judd Apatow created comedy films based on their characters. But there is one element that distinguishes him from the rest of the field…)

Was this due to homophobia? (That’s easy to say, but it’s also not necessarily incorrect.) It also extends to the LGBT community, which, at least online, took a strange delight in chronicling the film’s failure.)

Was it a marketing blunder? (Yes, anecdotally, which is also perplexing.) It’s difficult to think that anyone who heard about the movie’s historic status and was upset rather than excited about it didn’t also hear about how well-reviewed and humorous it was.)

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In any event, I’m weary of talking about it and still don’t have a clear thesis, owing largely to the incoherence of Twitter’s opinion. So I’m publishing this thread by Guy Branum, the film’s star. He explains why people were supposedly turned off by how forcefully actor and co-writer Billy Eichner lobbied the LGBT community to support the film.

In talking about how cruelly @billyeichner, white, cis, rich, hot- or not-hot-enough-to-be-a-movie-star (depending on who’s tweeting) demanded the queer community support his movie, a thing that is rarely mentioned is the rest of the cast.

— Guy Branum (@guybranum) October 5, 2022

Choices Were Made

We are so close to witnessing the cultural event of our lifetimes: Lindsay Lohan’s debut Netflix Christmas film. To protect myself from disappointment, I refused to accept it was true. However, we now have a trailer for Falling for Christmas, which will be available on Netflix on November 10. (As an aside, it is far too early for Christmas movies.) Respect Thanksgiving.) There is also a poster.

This poster should be investigated. It’s the movie poster. I’ve never seen one more perfect.

The poster features two people, but only Lohan is identified. There are no notes. Men do not require credit. They’ve gotten their fill.

Apart from “CHRISTMAS,” no other word is discernible due to the various fonts employed. That’s all we need to know. Excellent strategy.

Nameless Man and Lindsay Lohan look to be as tall as a house-sized Christmas tree. Who thought Falling for Christmas was a sci-fi fantasy film?

Then there are the sleeves.

Lohan’s crimson jumpsuit sleeves have now become famous. They are no longer alive. There’s Marilyn Monroe’s white dress from Some Like It Hot, Audrey Hepburn’s black gown from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Judy Garland‘s blue gingham jumper from The Wizard of Oz. Lindsay Lohan’s Falling for Christmas bell sleeves is now available.